The Trick Is To Keep Breathing...
by DizmiusArtistius
Summary: *updated* a fic based in MWPP timeframe. kinda difficult to desribe. read it and it'll all suddenly make a bit of sense.. hopefully.
1. first breath

The Trick is to Keep Breathing  
  
disclaimer- no i don't own harry potter, they belong to JK Rowling, blah blah, i dont  
make a penny, please dont sue.  
  
*************************************************************************************  
  
You know, Sirius..." James looked up from his Divination homework. "Is it just my   
excrutiatingly poor eyesight, or did i see you eyeing up Remus' friend just now?"  
  
Sirius raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "Oh but of course." He gave James a quick nudge,  
"If you weren't so Lily obsessed, you've gotta admit she's a... uh..."  
  
James glared at Sirius, and flicked his eyes westward, Sirius followed his line of sight.  
The girl in question was strolling past with an enraptured Remus Lupin grinning stupidly.  
  
"Score one for Moony." James muttered  
  
"Lucky litle git," Sirius grinned, "Always turns the charm on for the ladies."  
  
James almost choked, "And you're telling me you don't?"  
  
"Not always... Lily for instance... i wouldn't even dream of it..." Sirius tried to think of   
another girl, and sadly found none.  
  
"Hi." Remus looking slightly flushed sat down in an empty chair in between Sirius and James.  
  
"Well?" James and Sirius said in chorus.  
  
"Well what?" Remus looked slightly amused. "I've got me a date."  
  
Sirius immediatedly burst into floods of mock tears... "Moony, how could you... i thought we  
were engaged!"  
  
"Jade Almasy... who would have thought." James said thoughtfully above Sirius' hysterical sobs.  
  
Remus suddenly let out a very bark-like laugh, "No, you misunderstand, not Jade."  
  
Sirius sat up from his hysterics with amazing speed, "You're NOT dating Jade?"  
  
"No, i'm not." Remus looked slightly puzzled  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOhhohohoooo yes." Sirius shot out of the chair and scrambled through the portrait hole.  
  
"What's up with..."  
  
"Don't ask," James sighed, "So.. who?"  
  
"You'll see." Remus smiled almost mysteriously.  
  
"Okay.... who's friends with Jade and likes you more than is good for her.." James asked himself  
"Arianwen! You little... I would have said sly old fox, but that wouldn't really be sticking to  
the truth here..."  
  
"She's in hospital wing after Severus hexed her in potions, apparently she made his cauldron  
explode and it covered him in a rather disgustingly sticky shrinking solution. Jade just   
gave me a quick update... she's okay, just slightly angry."  
  
"I bet." James grinned mischeviously- "Payback for Mooney's girfriend?"  
  
"Oh, definitely."  
****  
  
  
  
  
Sirius walked into the Library with a definite swagger "Hi." Sirius grinned at Jade  
  
"Hi." Jade didn't even look up from her Muggle Studies homework.  
  
"Electricity, huh?" Sirius perched on the table, "Heavy stuff."  
  
Jade looked up at him. "You're sitting on my parchment."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I need to write on it."  
  
"No you don't"  
  
"I do."  
  
"You don't."  
  
"Sirius!" Jade stood up, "Don't you have some girl to make out with?"  
  
"Uhm, no not really." Sirius got the not-so-subtle hint. "I'll just.. ah.. leave, okay?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Sirius sloped back into the Gryffindor common room and disappeared up into the dormitory. Seeing  
Remus and James talking in hushed tones, he flumped down on James bed. "Man, i failed."  
  
The others gave him consoling looks  
  
"I never fail." Sirius said almost painfully "And what do i say? 'whoa, electricity, gee thats  
heavy stuff'."  
  
James collapsed laughing, "You SAID that?"  
  
Sirius nodded glumly  
  
"Grade A stupid comment." Remus teased. "Could have been A*, if you'd have put that extra bit  
of effort in..."  
  
"Indeed." James carried on, "it could have been 'Electricity... heavy stuff, how'd you feel  
tackling some of mine?'."  
  
"You should try a more direct approach." Remus started to grin even wider if that was possible,  
"I like you, i have irresistible charm, let's go make out in the trophy room."  
  
"You think that'd work?" Sirius asked, joining in with the laughter that had engulfed the   
dormitory.  
****  
  
  
  
Arianwen wasn't in a good mood. "Just you wait till i catch him in my path again..."  
  
"Transfigure him..." Jade picked up another slice of toast  
  
"I was thinking more of DISfigure him."   
  
"Severus doesn't need disfiguring." Jade and Arianwen shared a grin, which quickly faded as  
Jade noticed Sirius coming through the Portrait hole.   
  
"I heard about your little Sirius encounter."   
  
"Remus tell you?" Jade asked airily  
  
"Work it out."  
  
"He wants to add Almasy,Jade to his list of conquests." Jade snarked grumpily  
  
"He's not like that."  
  
"He so is." Jade shut her charms textbook with a snap. "He flirts with anything that resembles   
a girl."  
  
Arianwen wasn't listening anymore, she was too busy watching Remus laughing at another of Sirius'  
attempts at getting noticed, which had ended up with his robes catching fire.  
  
"He has such a nice smile." Aianwen whispered  
  
"Earth to Arianwen... are you receiving me!!??"  
  
"uh?"  
  
"Never mind." Jade smiled. "Its Hogsmeade tomorrow, i'm gonna go catch me a dream or two in my  
bed."  
  
"See you later, don't forget to change socks will you?"  
  
"As if i'd forget." Jade grinned, remembering the time she'd bewitched her socks to magically   
remove themselves after a day's worth of being worn. however, when the charm wore off she didn't notice and the smeel after a few days was awful.  
  
Remus moved in quickly as Jade disappeared. Sirius followed, still fingering the burnt hem of his  
robes, "You know guys, my mum just got me these robes, i really liked the silver thread at the   
botom, it kinda complimented my hair, if you know what i mean."  
  
"You almost sounded like a girl there," Arianwen smiled as she sqeezed up in the chair to  
let Remus in beside her.  
  
"You need a plan, padfoot." Remus grinned  
  
"I would ask James to come up with the finer points, but he's er... otherwise detained." Sirius  
said trying to hold back his grin. "Can i kidnap her?"  
  
"No." Arianwen poked her wand at Sirius. "She'd probably attack you."  
  
"With what? Sparks?" Sirius snorted "OOOOOH, scary."  
  
"Just go up there, drag her to the forest or something, i dunno." Remus shrugged. "Its not my  
fault she think's you're just too promiscuous."  
  
"Well, at least I didn't date Lucius Malfoy... a SLYTHERIN!! Can you believe?!" Sirius looked  
as though he wanted to be sick... "Although it was funny to watch that whore Narcissa's face.  
She's all over Malfoy like a leach."  
  
"James enchanted his goatee this morning at breakfast, i don't think you were there, being busy  
with the parchment and all, but it was pretty impressive." Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius.  
  
"Oh, yes, Peter told me something about his goatee, it grew daisies, yes?"  
  
"And a few dandelions."   
  
"Perfect."  
  
"Madam Pomfrey had to shave it off. it looked like someone's overgrown back garden." Remus glanced up at Peter as he came in covered in blue fluff.  
  
"Peter?" Sirius jumped as a blue fluffy hand grabbed his shoulder... "What.. the. ahahaaa...  
has happened... ahahahhhaa!"  
  
"Phoenix," Peter muttered. "I asked about you and she told me to stop sticking my nose in."  
  
"I thoght Phoenix was in the dorm?" Arianwen asked  
  
"Secret door." Remus said nonchalantely "Been there for ages. She probably found it when she  
caught me sneaking out."  
  
"You were doing what?!!" Arianwen looked slightly annoyed, slightly pleased it was difficult  
to decide which showed through more..  
  
"uh... hello? plan here?" Sirius waved his arms, getting back the attention he'd momentarily lost.  
  
Peter shuddered a bit, "This time, i'm not being involved."  
  
"Well, it'd be a bit difficult seeing as you're a blue hairy yeti at the moment, don't you  
think you should go see Madam Pomfrey?"  
  
"No! She'd laugh at me." Peter stared at the floor, "She did when i came back with donkey's  
ears."  
  
"Well, you shouldnt have called Snape 'Eeyore' and forgotten to take your wand." Remus sighed.   
Sometimes Peter really was thick.  
  
  
TBC 


	2. that girl needs therapy...

The Trick is to Keep Breathing *2*  
  
disclaimer- no i don't own harry potter, they belong to JK Rowling, blah blah, i dont  
make a penny, please dont sue.  
  
*************************************************************************************  
  
"And secondly, you guys have got to like.. disappear for a while." Sirius folded his arms across  
his chest, "Whaddya think Moony?"  
  
"You came up with that plan?" Remus teased, "Really, i'm amazed. HOw many braincells did you  
have to transfigure up from dirt?"  
  
"Too many."   
  
"Obviously."  
  
"But you think it'll work?"  
  
"Why're you asking me?"  
  
"Because you're the level headed person. You proof-read all my ideas." Sirius said exasperatedly.  
  
"Sirius." Remus caught hold of his arm. "Breathe. Okay? just keep breathing."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Remus waved off his comment. "Go on, run around like the idiot you portray yourself as."  
  
Sirius pouted, "Moony, i'm hurt by that comment. You've crushed any feeling i ever had.."  
  
"GO!"  
  
"Do you think i should..."  
  
"Bugger off." Remus shoved Sirius out the door.  
  
"OooooOOOOOooooh." Sirius jeered then chuckling to himself ran down the stairs leaping over the  
trick step.  
***  
  
"So, whats the deal with the guys?" Jade watched as Arianwen's perfect summoning charm made a piece of toast zoom towards her.  
  
"Three Broomsticks. 2pm." Arianwen summoned the butter and jam.  
  
"Are you just showing off now?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Thought so. Just cuz you can point your wand and go 'accio!' doesnt mean you have to go accio  
everything you can find." Suddenly a thought hit her, "Do you think we coud summon people?"  
  
"What like Accio Remus?"   
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Somehow i don't think so." Arianwen laughed, "There's no reason why we can't at least try, though. sort of like a project."  
  
"I'm electing me for chief treasurer of this project." Something moved in the coner of her eye.  
"Oh! Excuse me a second."  
  
Jade got up, and deftly followed Severus Snape out of the great hall and out of the building.  
Little did she know that at the same time she had someone following her, exactly the same.  
  
Snape stopped under a tree and stared out at the lake. He sat down with his potions homework  
and inked up his quill.  
  
Sirius stood hidden under the invisibility cloak and watched with glee as Jade pointed her wand  
just above Snape's head and quietly muttered "nube della pioggia" and turned round to run as Snape yelled out loudly, above his head was a dark grey cloud that was covering him in heavy rain. Sirius was so busy laughing at Snape that he didn't move out of the way in time. Jade  
ran straight into him and they both fell to the ground.  
  
"YOU!" Jade snarled.  
  
"It is?" Sirius asked "Wow, because i was always wondering who i was..."  
  
"Hey Padfoot." James came running towards them. He cast a glance at Snape who was busy trying to reverse the rain spell, the cloud was now following him ound and shooting out the sporadic lightning bolt. "OOh, excuse me, i wasn't aware that you were.. busy." He smirked as Jade shoved  
Sirius off and clambered up. "Anyway, we're off to Hogsmeade. The others went earlier. You  
coming or what?"  
  
"I'm too busy reminiscing over my loss of my fiance Remus to care." Sirius threw a lock of his  
long black hair over his shoulder. "I'm going to sit here and mooch."  
  
James raised an eyebrow. "Mooch? can't you pronounce your S's today?"  
  
Jade threw James a dirty look, who replied with "At least you're coming right?"  
  
"No. Got some stuff to do..."  
  
"In the libraaaaaaaaaaary." Sirius finished off for her, mimicking her voice. "Because if I  
haven't learnt all the Italian Muses Charms by tomorrow morning Professor Flitwick will be  
annoyed and i wont be able to win back all those house points that Sirius and James lost..."  
  
Jade picked her wand up off the floor and pointed it directly at Sirius. "creatura diabolica della neve."  
  
Sirius let out a yell as his robes turned to snow and he was standing in a human tyre of snow.  
  
"Nice one." James pulled out his wand, "One final touch though... cappello del pixie!"  
  
Sirius stood frozen stiff in a ring of snow up to his chin when a little red cap appeared on his  
head. The little bell at the end of the cap tinkled as he shook his head trying to get out.  
  
"WHATEVER IS GOING ON DOWN HERE! POTTER! ALMASY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO BLACK?" A seething   
Professor McGonnagal stormed down the stone steps out into the gardens. "WHY AREN'T YOU AT  
HOGSMEADE AND WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO SNAPE?"  
  
"You know," James muttered to Jade as McGonnagal busied herself reversing the spells on Sirius.  
"I'd say that the answers to those questions were actually pretty obvious..."  
  
Jade sniggered, her smile dropped as Professor McGonnagal looked at them with steely eyes and  
said "thirty points from gryffindor. if i EVER see you inflict such trauma on another student,  
believe me i shall take off more."  
  
"YEs, i'm TRAAAAAAAAAUMATISED!" Sirius grinned, "Look at me, shaking like a leaf!"  
  
"Get over it." Jade groaned pushing her way through them and heading back up to the castle.  
  
"That girl needs therapy." James said to Sirius, "Padfood therapy."  
  
"I'm liking that idea. A good spot of Padfoot therapy." Sirius smiled widely. "You think we can get there before she does?"  
  
"Tunnel." James pulled out a piece of parchment. "Its almost finished, i've added that tunnel  
from the fifth floor store room."  
  
They started walking up to the castle, "You got Peter to find a charm to give it our personalities yet?"  
  
"According to him, he's working on it in the library, but had a hard time getting into the restricted section." James sounded doubtful.   
***  
  
Jade walked into the three broomsticks and sat down nest to Arianwen and Peter, "Where's Remus?"  
  
Arianwen pointed over to the bar where Remus, James and Sirius were conversing in hushed tones,  
  
"WHAT?" Jade screeched  
  
"You okay?" Peter raised an eyebrow, wondering whether to leave now before Jade called in the backup team of Phoenix and Edea.  
  
"They were still in hogwarts when i left, how did they get here before i did?"  
  
"Probably found another tunnel or something." Arianwen sighed taking a drink of butterbeer. She  
glanced up at Remus who was now grinning with Sirius, who was busy writing something down on a   
scarp of parchment. James wasn't anywhere in sight, which quite a few people found unnerving, due to past experiences.  
  
"Why do i have a feeling he's up to something." Jade sneered down into her mug of butterbeer.  
  
"Do that again and you'll look like Snape." Sirius had whipped over from the bar and now sat opposite of her, staring right at her.  
  
Jade sneered again.  
  
"OW!" Sirius fell against Peter, "Really, that sneer! It's dangerous." Peter still looked unsure.  
Arianwen just sat there trying desparately not to grin. "That sneer needs therapy." Sirius whispered to Remus, who almost choked into his butterbeer.   
  
"IS my sneer all you're going to talk about?"  
  
"Well," Sirius gave her the once over, "I COULD talk about the rest of you, but i dont think it'd be wise, seeing as there are little children in the vicinity."  
  
Arianwen was now bowed down, biting her lip, in the vain hope of not laughing out loud. Remus was about to fall off his chair laughing if Arianwen hadn't kicked him under the table, which had effectively wiped the smug grin off his face.  
  
Fine, if Sirius could be a smart mouth, she'd give him a run for his money. "Really, Sirius."  
Jade grined evilly. "I'm sure the group of good people here would love to know about the few embarrassments of your wardrobe...."  
  
James suddenly stuck his head round the partition, "What? His pink and blue..."  
  
"JAMES!" Sirius shrieked "Who'se side are you on!?"  
  
"Mine." James shrugged, "Moony old pal, you know about that payback?"  
  
Remus nodded,  
  
"Bring Ari, this... is... UNBELIEVEABLY funny." He turned to peter, "C'mon, you'd enjoy this. Sice you like blue fluff so much."  
  
Sirius stood up to leave with them until Remus put a hand on his shoulder and forcefully pushed him back into his seat. "Sort it out."  
  
"Uhm." Sirius stuck his hand in the air, "Professor Lupin sir?" He grinned, "Do i HAVE to?"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes, following the others out the door.  
  
"Well?" Jade asked summoning another butterbeer from the bar. In return she floated a few coins over to the bartender.  
  
"That was pretty neat." Sirius nodded at her mug, "Anyway, before you leave in a huff as i know you will, because you always do when talking to my charming handsome self."  
  
"How huge is your ego?"   
  
"Wouldn't you like to know."  
  
"Not really." Jade sighed, this was gonna take a long time.  
***  
  
James dragged the others over to the edge of Hogsmeade where a very disgruntled Snape was telling Lucius Malfoy about the stormcloud.   
  
"Check out this new charm." James his behind a tree, totally unnoticed by Lucius and Severus, he whipped round aimed his wand at Snape and spoke "avgassee blomstkapper"  
  
"What's that mean?" Peter asked  
  
"Flashing flower robes." Remus translated. "Its a norwegian charm."  
  
"YOU'RE MAKING SEVERUS FLASH?" Arainwen looked daggers at Remus.  
  
"Uhm... no." Remus frowned, "NOT in that way. Just watch."  
  
They heard a shriek of laughter from Malfoy as Snape's robes suddenly began changing colours with little flowers appearing along the hems,   
  
"For the final touch." James whispered.... "dans gjennom blomstene."  
  
Maloy's laugh just increased as of it's own accord Snapes robes belted out a rendition of "tiptoe through the tulips."  
  
"POTTER!" Snape suddenly caught sight of James muffling his laughs in his robes, James looked up to see Snape running towards him with an evil glare.  
  
"See ya!" He yelled at the others as he shot off back into Hogsmeade with Snape close on his tail,   
  
"Love the blossom, Snape!" Arainwen called out after him. "Really suits you!"  
  
"Don't think you'll get away with this." Malfoy drawled as he strutted past, leisurely following his friend by the angry shouts and laughter of other students.  
  
tbc 


	3. purely psychomatic

The Trick is to Keep Breathing *3* - purely phsychosomatic  
  
disclaimer- no i don't own harry potter, they belong to JK Rowling, blah blah, i dont  
make a penny, please dont sue.  
LEss Than Jake own the rights to All my best friends are metalheads, but for this, i'm dragging them back a few decades into my timeframe here.   
a/n yes i know i spelt professor mcgonagall's name wrong throughout the entirity of chapter 2, i apologise.  
*************************************************************************************  
  
"So you see, we started this in our second year, and we've just about finished it. We enchanted it and everything, so all the people are shown up, regardless of cloaks or invisibility devices."  
Sirius proudly described their new invention the 'Maurauder's map'.  
  
"IS thre a but coming up in this?"  
  
"Indeed." Sirius shot her a grin. "So... BUT! what's an enchanted piece of paper, thats all fine and peachy, but wouldn't it be fun to leave a sort of pesonality imprint of ourselves in it, so even when we're gone and out in that big bad world, people in hogwarts will have a great deal of fun getting insulted if they try to use it and dont know how!"  
  
"And you're having trouble giving it a personality?"  
  
"Exactly." Sirius nodded, as he drained his mug. "We got Peter on the subject, but now, in hindsight that wasn't such a good idea. I mean, he's useless in a library, let alone looking for  
some obscure charm in the restricted section."   
  
It struck Jade as odd, when they were alone, Sirius ropped the idiot-act and was actually okay when he wasn't being egotistical.  
  
Suddenly James burst in, and promptly dived under their table.  
  
"Really Prongs! I din't know you felt that way about me." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows as a hoarse whisper of "SHUT UP" came out from under the table.  
  
Neither Sirius nor Jade needed to question any further as a very irate Snape slammed the door and started looking around, his hand clenching his wand.  
  
"You know, i think you should be referred to anger management classes." Sirius smiled up innocently as Snape loomed over them  
  
"WHere. IS. POTTER!" SNape bellowed.  
  
"Now now." Sirius kept smiling, "Rudeness never got anyone anywhere,"  
  
"I like the new look." Jade fingered Snape's still colour flashing robes. "Last season though."  
  
"Yes." Sirius fell straight into banter-mode "The flowers really bring out the grease in your lanky hair."  
  
"And the cuffs..." Jade followed on seamlessly. "You simply look pretty..."  
  
"DAMN HILARIOUS!" they said in chorus. Snape, seeing that he was not going to get anywhere gave them one last glare and stormed out.  
  
James poked his head up out from under the table.. "Nice work."  
  
"It was." Sirius agreed. "He looked criminally insane when he stormed in here."  
  
"Purely phsychosomatically." Jade agreed.  
  
"I have to go find Lily. She NEEDS to know about this, it'll cheer her up." James grabbed Sirius' butterbeer and drained it, handing him back the empty mug. "Thanks, padfoot."  
  
Sirius snarled playfully. "Do that again and you'll be drinking it off your robes."  
  
James waved the comment away, as he spotted Lily and hurried over to see her.  
  
"So," Sirius turned back to Jade, "What's Jadey doing for the summer?"  
  
"Staying at home, hanging out, you know the routine." Jade shrugged, "Don't call me Jadey."  
  
Sirius had on a rare thoughtful expression, "you know, if you're not too busy being a lazy ass, we're going round to the Forest of Light for a camping trip. I'm sure you could come, everyone else is."  
  
Jade didn't reply, the clock's large hand was on "return to school" and the rest of the gang had come in to catch them up, whilst retelling the whole let's pick-on-snape-and-malfoy stunt James had pulled off earlier.  
***  
  
  
  
"And because venus is in the fifth house, i'm going to suddenly fall off the roof of an inbcredibly tall building and fall into the arms of an incredibly gorgeous knight riding a unicorn." Lily wrote down on her parchment.  
  
"Oh the joys of divination." Arianwen drawled, "Why am i doing this, when i could be finishing my DADA homework?"  
  
"Because you're weird?" Sirius joined in, "Okay guys, check this out... Monday shall be a mysterious day for me because of the full moon, i shall find myself transported into the heart  
of a large monster most probably that of the grim..."  
  
"Very accurate don't you think?" Remus smiled "Big black dog- grim."  
  
"They just wont know how close..." Sirius signed is name at the top of the page with a flourish.  
  
"You think i should get trampled upon by the grim in question?" James asked whilst writing down more predictions on his parchment.  
  
"Oh, definitely." Sirius grinned, "Nothing like a good body crunching for divination."  
  
"Yes but the body crunching concerned is usually what is planned for the professor..."  
  
"And sadly is yet to happen."  
  
"Maybe if we get a growth potion and pour it on one of those crystal balls, then we could sort of levitate it over her head and then... BOOM!" Sirius started laughing maniacally.  
  
Everybody grinned, they knew that if Sirius ever got the chance to do it, he would, no questions asked.  
  
"Do you think she'd predict that, though?" Peter squeaked  
  
"HA!" James laughed, throwing down his quill. "How many times was i supposed to die this year? Have i managed to fulfil any of those?"  
  
"Well, you got pretty close." Sirius said thoughtfully "I mean, McGonagall looked ready to throttle you..."  
  
"Yeah, but she loves me too much." James grinned, "How could she kill her favourite student."  
  
"How could she kill her favourite student with a major ego overload." Arianwen muttered.  
  
"I happen to agree with that." Sirius nodded. "I mean, i've got an ego problem, i can admit that..."  
  
"Well i'm glad for you, well done." Remus applauded. "That must have been a great step forward for you to admit such a thing."  
  
"Uhm, you guys, where's Jade?" Arianwen looked up around the common room. "I havent seen her since Potions."  
  
Sirius and James shared a long tired look. "We know where." they said together. "in the LIBRARY of course"  
  
"Nuh-uh." Pheonix shook her head, "I've just come from there. It was deserted."  
  
"Odd." Arianwen said, glancing up at the clock. "Perhaps I should go and look."  
****  
  
  
Jade sat on the border of the forbidden forest. It was getting dusky and if she didn't go back up to the castle soon, she'd die of cold out here. But this was the least magical place of the entirity of Hogwarts, it was the only place where she could really think. Not wondering whether people were about to play magical pranks on her or suddenly talk to her about subjects she couldnt care less about. This was theplace where she could indulge in a habit of hers. She wrote songs. Back at her home, her father was a muggle, and he had been a wannabe rock star, teaching her the finer points of drumming and playing electric guitar.  
She'd gone to a muggle school for most of her life, her mother being content with using magic in the home and her trips to meeting with her fellow wizarding friends.  
Jade remembered the odd looks she'd got from her old school friends when she explained why she kept an owl ("i like strange creatures.") They used to have a band. That had stopped once Jade had left for her "boarding school". they'd got a new front-man who, in Jade's opinion was complete rubbish. He didn't know his C chord from his F chord and couldnt hammer-on to save his life. There was no point trying to get a hogwarts group of people to start a band, nobody knew much about it and the wizarding kids found it amusing to wach Jade pick out a few tunes on her guitar in the common room.  
  
"Jadey?" A voice came out from behind her, startling her from her thoughts. She saw no-one.  
  
"Uh?" She looked around.  
  
"Its me."  
  
"Of course its you, now can you tell me who 'me' is."  
  
"You're Jadey." Came the reply.   
  
"I'm serious." Jade threatened  
  
"NO you're not!" The voice sounded offended "I'm Sirius."  
  
"Very funny Sirius. Show yourself." Jade sighed putting the notebook away in her bag.  
  
"Whatcha doing?" Sirius pulled off James' invisibility cloak.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Wow, well nothing's changed in definition since i last used it, then." Sirius sat down beside her.  
  
"Writing a diary?" He probed, "Let me guess- 'Sirius is soooo mean'." He started out in a girly voice. "uhm... 'he never shuts up and keeps talking to me, why can't he just go away?'."   
  
"Nope." Jade sighed.  
  
"You're not gonna tell me are you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Didn't i say no?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"C'mon, what am i gonna do?"  
  
"Read it."  
  
"Well thats' the idea." Sirius shrugged. "I'm just curious."  
  
"Curiosity killed the cat."  
  
"I'm not a cat, and as far as i've heard curiosity has yet to kill the dog." Sirius grinned.  
  
"Insolent brat aren't you."  
  
"Actually i'm an egotistical arrogant insolent brat, but two out of four, thats quite good." Sirius came closer "Lets do you. stubborn, yet cute, clever, also egotistical and prideful."  
  
Jade raised an eyebrow. "Is that what you think?"  
  
"Well, we don't really know much about each other, but hey thats not so bad, if we took the time to discover..."  
  
"Hey wait." Jade pulled out her book and furiously sribbled something down.  
  
"Oh come ON!" Sirius rolled his eyes, "You can't do that and not expect me to want to read."  
  
"What's the phrase you use?" JAde looked thoughtful "Oh yeah. Thats the way the chocolate frogs crumble."  
  
Sirius scowled, "You going to stay here all night, then?"  
  
"I'll stay as long as i feel like."  
  
"Its dangerous." Sirius said quietly  
  
"I'll survive."  
  
"Well." Sirius huddled down near the base of a tree. "You stay, i stay."  
  
"Fine." Jade shrugged, curling up in her cloak.  
****  
  
Sirius woke up with a start, some creature had just scuttled past him, he thought he was still dreaming for a moment then it hit him why he wasn't in the dormitory. He glanced across at the sleeping bundle of cloak that was Jade, the notebook she had been wriing in earlier was lying untouched on the grass beside her. Cautiously, Sirius picked it up and started flicking through.  
  
  
TBC  
  
thanks to all those who reviewed. it means a lot, really it does. 


	4. the killer pillows

The Trick is to Keep Breathing *4* - killer pillows  
  
disclaimer- no i don't own harry potter, they belong to JK Rowling, blah blah, i dont  
make a penny, please dont sue.  
uh oh! one swearword in the whole thing. bad dizmius!!  
  
A/n thank you to everyone who reviewed- have a virtual cookie- ( ) yummy.  
*************************************************************************************  
  
"And where were you last night?" Arianwen calld ot to Jade as she slouched into the dorm and fell oto her bed. "Forbidden forest, with Sirius."  
  
"Oh?" Arianwen sounded interested. "What happened?"  
  
"Nothing like what i'm guessing you're thinking." Jade leered. "he refused to leave, i refused to move. We stayed."  
  
"Oooooooh, you two." Arianwen threw her hands up in the air. "You're awful."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Can't you see he likes you?"  
  
"Of course." Jade rolled her eyes. "Who can't?"  
  
"Well why don't you for once admit you like him?"  
  
"I don't"  
  
"You pay him more attention than anybody else." Arianwen pointed out. "You're always bantering together. Playing pranks on each other..."  
  
"So?"  
  
"You like him really, don't you?"  
  
"And what if i do?" Jade suddenly was throwing her bag across the room, turning things upside down and generally creating a mess. "Where's my book?"  
  
"What book?"  
  
"Notebook. Songbook. That book." Jade gestured with her wand, conjuring up a picture, "This book."  
  
"Oh, THAT book." Arianwen grinned. "Where'd you leave it?"  
  
"If i knew i wouldn't be here would i!"  
****  
  
  
  
"SO!" James ran up to Sirius, "Did you write it?"  
  
"Yup, included everything she'd written in notes." Sirius showed the notebook page to James.  
  
"Padfoot!" James laughed, "Maybe you should consider a career doing this."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"You gonna give it to her now?"  
  
"NAh." Sirius put the notebook in her bag. "I have a plan."  
  
"That's nice." Remus joined in the conversation, "Any particulars?"  
  
"The usual, i-am-sirius-therefore-i-will-be-brash-and-generally-an-idiot kind of thing." James rolled his eyes. "What else would it be?"  
  
"He got it covered." Sirius nodded. "Hey, full moon tonight, we going to the shack?"  
  
"But of course." James winked at Remus. "Might have a bit of wandering around Hagrid's hut first. Scare the poor guy into thinking there's a herd of animals thundering round the grounds."  
  
"Can you see his face? When he sees a stag hurtling past his window!!" Sirius giggled.  
  
"Sirius, was that a giggle?" Remus raise an eyebrow at his friend  
  
"No." Sirius said quickly.  
  
"Sirius giggles, its a fact of his twisted existence." James shrugged, "He also snores, but we all know that seeing as we have to share a dorm with the sound."  
  
"Tell me about it." Remus snorted  
  
"Okay... well you see..." Sirius was cut off as James clamped a hand over his mouth to shut him up. "Mrrph mrrrrrh mpf mmmmmmmmmmm!"  
  
"Sirius." James got him in a headlock, hand still clamped over his mouth. "I'm going to let go, and you are going to shut up.."  
  
"MRRRRRRPH!"  
  
"Do we take that as a good reply?" Remus grinned  
  
"No, i dont think we will." James held his still with difficulty as Remus charmed some pillows to follow Sirius everywhere, hitting him when they could.   
  
James let go of Sirius who pelted down the stairs, still being chased by irate pillows. The commonroom burst into laughter as Sirius tried unsuccessfully to charm the pillows to go after someone else, or just to explode away from him. He managed to miss every pillow and they were closing in on him as he ran up the other flight of stiars to the girls dorms, he opened the first unlocked door and shut the door before any of the pillows could attack him, he slumped down behind the door, which was vibrating from the pillows thumping against it, trying to reach him.  
He grinned suddenly  
  
"Well, hello." He smiled deviously at the group of girls all glaring at him. "How nice to see you all."  
  
Jade was sitting on her bed, holding her guitar possessively in her hands. She glared at Sirius.  
  
"What are you doing in here?" Phoenix asked, hands on hips.  
  
"Hiding."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Attack of the killer pillows." He grinned, "I dont suppose you charming ladies would consider helping such a poor innocent guy as myself."  
  
"No, not particularly." The girls said together.  
  
"NO!? Please?" Sirius tried the puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Alohomora." Arianwen pointed her wand at the door, which flew open, throwing Sirius across the floor.  
  
"Ow." He muttered from under one of the beds, "That wasn't very friendly... oh... Sh*t." His voice rose as the pillows formed a circle around him. "Remind me to poison James and Remus at some convenient moment when i dont have feather in my mouth."  
  
"Incendio." Jade pointed her wand at one of the pillows, which spontaneously combusted inches away from Sirius' head. He coughed as he got a facefull of ash. His coughing fit was cut short by a pillow running him face on.  
  
"C'mon people." He pleaded. The girls looked at each other, then pounced on the flying pillows.  
  
"You know. This is more difficult than it looks." Lily exclaimed as she rugby tackled a pillow to the floor. It jerked and moved beneath her as it tried to get out to attack Sirius.  
  
Arianwen was clinging to one, that was at the moment draging her acoss the room.  
  
Sirius was batting them away with his hands, until there were only two left, which promptly burst as they collided with each other. Sirius had ducked out of the way and was on his way running down into the common room.   
  
"Well." Lily looked at the mass of feathers and ash on the floor. "That was very.. sirius-esque."  
****  
  
Sirius sat at the gryffindor dinner table still picking bits of white feather out of his clothes and hair.  
"Fun have?" Remus sat down next to Sirius  
  
"Oh, yeah." Sirius snarked. "I had to enlist help."  
  
"oh yes." Remus grinned. "i heard the girls talking about that, anyway padfoot. You coming?"  
  
"Yeah, 'course." Sirius rose and walked out with Remus into the grounds, with a quiet pop, he transformed into a large black dog and bounded out towards wormtail and prongs.  
  
In the shreiking shack, the marauders were kept awake by Remus' howling and many times had to restrain the werewolf from killing himself.  
  
When the first strains of dawn light seeped through the tiny windows, Remus woke up to a roomful of animals.  
"Hey guys." He muttered, nursing his scratched arm.  
  
"mmmmrrrrrph." Sirius mumbled from his little makeshift bed in the corner. "Already?"  
  
"We need to get back." James yawned, trying not to tread on the sleeping rat next to him.  
"And have decent beds in this place."  
  
"All part of the package i'm afraid. Rubbish bedding." Sirius stretched out. "Hey, guess what!"  
  
"What?" Remus raised an eyebrow, preparing himself for one of Sirius' jokes.  
  
"End of term guys!"   
  
"Forgive me for being to tired to be enthusiastic." Remus sighed, heading down through the trapdoor.  
  
"Someome wake up peter." James muttered   
  
"OI!!" Sirius yelled at the rat. "WAKE UP YOU SLEEPY IDIOT."  
  
"That wasn't very nice." Peter morphed back into human form. "I was awake anyway."  
  
"Yeah, sure you were." Remus chuckled. "C'mon breakfast. I need to talk to Arianwen before she gets worried about me."  
  
"Girl-whipped." Sirius coughed out as Remus disappeared below the trapdoor, James laughed at him which caused Sirius to grin. "I dunno why you're laughing, you're worse than he is... 'oh lily... thos that and the other... im so sorry, i was worried about you, oh lily'."  
  
"Get down that trapdoor before i kick you down there." James held open the door for them before taking a last look around and disappearing himself.  
  
TBC  
  
  



	5. Summer and Dirty Mirrors

The Trick is to Keep Breathing *5* - summer  
disclaimer- no i don't own harry potter, they belong to JK Rowling, blah blah, i dont  
make a penny, please dont sue.  
uh oh! one swearword in the whole thing. bad dizmius!!  
  
A/n thank you to everyone who reviewed- have a virtual cookie- ( ) yummy.  
*************************************************************************************  
  
The train journey into London had been fairly uneventful, the four marauders had been planning their summer plans and had been huddled in a corner of a compartment talking in whispers punctuated by sporadic chuckles.  
  
"They're up to something." Jade scowled  
  
"Tell me something new." Lily rolled her eyes. "Your parents picking you up?"  
  
"Most unlikely." Jade shook her head. "dad'd on a trip and i'm pretty sure mum would have followed him."  
  
"How're you getting back?"  
  
"Train." Jade pulled out a timetable "I can catch the 12.35 to Cambridge."  
  
"You live there?"  
  
"Uh huh." Jade folded up the timetable and pushed it into her bag. "Nice place. Full of muggles."  
  
"You dont... tease them do you?"  
  
Jade just grinned in reply.  
****  
  
  
On the platform Jade dragged her trunk and owl cage to the barrier where she saw a very irate  
Mrs. Black conversing in clipped tones with a pretty folorn Sirius. She passed him and stuck her tongue out. Okay so it was childish, who cares.   
  
"And to top it all off, you go out after curfew even after being told specifically NOT to go." Ms.Black was in her element  
  
"But.." Siius tried to interject  
  
"Do you know how many owls i've had from your headmaster about your behaviour? Taunting that Severus Snape child... It could be classed as bullying!!"  
  
"I dont think that..."  
  
"You will listen to me!" Mrs.Black turned to notice James and Remus standing awkwardly behind her. "Hello, dears. How's school?"  
  
"Um... Fine thanks." James replied trying not to look at Sirius who was pulling faces.   
  
"I hope young Sirius here isnt influencing you. James you're a good child. Maybe you should teach him some manners."  
  
"Oh, i dont know." James grinned. "He just doesn't listen to advice."  
  
"I know." Mrs.Black sighed, looking pointedly at Sirius. "You keep going down this road, and you'll end up in Azkaban!" She looked ashamed at this point. "A son of mine in such a hell hole!"  
She kept on rantig as Sirius followed her out into the crowds...  
****  
  
  
Jade flopped down on her bed to find an owl diting on her pillow already. She took the letter it was carrying and let it drink from a bowl of water.   
  
"Heya Jadey!!" It started. Jade sighed, she knew at once who this was. Who else called her Jadey?  
"Sirius here, decided to write and say hello. so HIYAAA!"  
She frowned at Sirius' quick spelling... "Anyway- party. Forgot to tell you on train, sorry. My place, 31st of july. use floo powder or something. FUN HAVE! Sirius."  
  
"Floo powder, yeah right. When we don't even have a fireplace."  
  
"That's the spirit." Her mirror said as she looked into it. "Oh, wait, you've missed a bit, left a little... perfect."  
  
Jade grinned. Her mirror was always dishing out compliments, it was a pity she couldn't take it to Hogwarts.  
  
She pulled a key out of her pocket and turned it in a lock, the door opened with a creak and Jade started up the steps into the attic.  
  
Meanwhile, Sirius and James were brewing some perilous potion in Sirius' basement...   
  
"Aw, and there was me thinking she'd reply." Sirius exclaimed as his owl flew back in through the window empty handed.  
  
"D'you have anymore Phoenix feather?"  
  
"Yeah.. hang on." Sirius pulled some tatty looking feathers out of a box, "One clump or two?"  
  
"Three." James let them drop into the muddy looking potion. "IS it supposed to look like congealed mud?"  
  
"Apparently so." Sirius nodded. ""Pity Remus can't make it. He'd know."  
  
"What's up with Remus? I thought he was coming after the full moon?"  
  
"One word for you." Sirius grinned. "Arianwen."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"She's invited him to France."  
  
"She lives in France?"  
  
"No, stupid." Sirius rolled his eyes mockingly "Holiday."  
  
James grinned back at Sirius... "You think this will work?"  
  
"Of course it'll work." Sirius said quietly scanning the dog eared book titled "1000 mystical spells for 1000 mystical malpractices."  
  
"Do you think they'd mind?"  
  
"Nah, they wouldn't know." Sirius snapped the book shut. "Okay, so we pour a ladelful of this onto the mirror and write the person's name in the sludge."  
  
"Easy." James smiled as Sirius laid the mirror flat on the floor. He grabbed the ladel and let the muddy sludge gloop onto the glass. "You first." he gestured to Sirius who looked disgustedly at the sludge.  
  
"Jade Almasy." He muttered writing her name with a flourish. "Okay hold onto the edge and we should....."  
  
Sirius didn't get the time to finish, it was a weird sensation of flying mixed with getting pins and needles in your feet as he appeared on the floor of Jade's attick with a much worse for wear James Potter holding onto the mirror with him.  
  
Jade looked up from her drums and screamed.  
  
"hello to you too." Sirius covered his ears  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, CANT I HAVE ONE DAYS WORTH OF NO SIRIUS?"  
  
James coughed, announcing his presence  
  
"Hi james." Jade smiled, "Sirius drag you here?"  
  
"Yes, actually." James gave Sirius a diry grin. "He INSISTED we visit you first."  
  
"I'm honoured." Jade snarked  
  
"What's this?" Sirius was looking ound the room with interest.  
  
"Music stuff." Jade shrugged, "One hundred per cent muggle"  
  
"Fun." James grinned, "What do you do?"  
  
"Hit the skins."  
  
"Seriously?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "That's all?"  
  
"You have to hit the right ones to the rhythm and timings." Jade gestured, "And if you're uncoordinated with your hands then don't bother even trying."  
  
"Uh, right." James looked confused, "Couldn't you just charm it?"  
  
"That makes it less fun."  
  
"Oh no." Sirius shook his head, "Believe me, the fun bit is charming stuff."  
  
"Where's Remus?" Jade suddenly noticed he wasnt there. "And peter?"  
  
"Remus is in France with his girlfriend, and Peter's mum wouldn't let him out." James summarised. "Wow, talk about how to summarise your friend's lives in under twenty words, i'm getting good."  
  
"As always." Sirius grinned. "So, whilst we're here... You may as well give us the grand tour before i'm forced to play the same prank on the love-sick idiot beside me, and transport ourselves to the residence of a one Miss Lily Evans."  
****  
  
  
"TV." Jade pointed at a box on legs, "You know the kind."  
  
"WOOOOOOOOOW!" Sirius grinned, "You have one of these!"  
  
"Half muggle." James calmed down Sirius, "Of course she does."  
  
"Who's this, love?" A voice came dancing out from te kitchen, Jade's mother, had just apparated into the house.  
  
"This," Jade sighed heavily "Is Sirius Black." He waved "And James Potter." James mimicked Sirius' wave.  
  
"Oh!" Mrs Almasy grinned at the menion of Sirius Black's name. "So YOU'RE the famous Sirius."  
  
"I am." Sirius said proudly.   
  
"I've heard so much about you."  
  
Sirius shot an interested look at Jade. "Oh really? What kind of things?"  
  
James stifled a laugh as he saw Jade glare at her mother.  
  
"Oh, just... this and that." Mrs Almasy said airily. "Don't you have homes to be going to?"  
  
"Well..."   
  
"They don't know you've come, do they!" Mrs.Almasy grinned at the two boys.   
  
"Well..." James started.  
  
"I'm sure they won't mind." Sirius grinned, "And we were just erm.. going..."  
  
"Lily next." James grinned. "Don't forget to be at Sirius'."  
  
"Oh i won't don't worry." Jade grimaced.  
  
The boys disappeared leaving Jade rolling her eyes.  
***  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Petunia shrieked.  
  
Lily came running in after she heard her sister's scream and promptly started laughing, James and Sirius were flat out on the floor covering their ears holding onto what looked like a grimy mirror.  
  
"Petunia, its okay. these are my friends."  
  
"GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!" Petunia ran out of the room.  
  
"Hi, Lils." James looked up to see Lily glaring at them.  
  
"Uh oh." Sirius surmised.  
  
TBC 


	6. Dog Buscuits

The Trick is to Keep Breathing *6* -Dog Biscuits  
disclaimer- no i don't own harry potter, they belong to JK Rowling, blah blah, i dont  
make a penny, please dont sue.  
  
  
A/n thank you to everyone who reviewed, i know i havent updated this for a while- but then again i had an idea...  
*************************************************************************************  
  
"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Lily shrieked as Sirius partially hid behind James.  
  
"Mummy!" Sirius whined,   
  
"Uh, yeah, whatever." James looked back at a cowering Sirius. "We're uh... here to say.. uhm... HI!"  
  
"WHAT is THAT?" Lily had noticed the mirror.  
  
"We charmed it." Sirius said proudly, "Its like a portkey, but we can go anywhere with it."  
  
"By writing in the name of the person, see?"  
  
"oh." Lily looked quite impressed.  
  
"We went to see Jadey earlier." Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, "Your reaction was more satisfactory."  
  
"L...Lily?" Petunia peered round the doorway, and promptly ran away again as Sirius grinned and waved at her.  
  
"Sirius, you shouldn't traumatise her." Lily hissed  
  
"Its' fun. " Sirius shrugged. "Anyway, you got the invite, we just wanted to tell you to get yo' ass over a bit early." He drawled in a fake accent.  
  
"So charming." Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
"That okay?" James asked, he'd gone misty eyed again. Sirius slapped him out of it.   
  
"It should be, i'll go check. Stay here and don't touch ANYTHING." Lily brandished her wand at the two guys, who started whistling innocently.  
***  
  
A few hours later and they were all at Sirius' house. Lily and Jade were sitting on the grass watching the two guys with rather pained expressions.   
  
James and Sirius were busy having a game of "no hands, no eyes" broomstick racing, Lily had the distinct impression Sirius had bewitchd his blindfold and was cheating.  
  
"Come on." James beckoned, "Its no fun with Mr. I-cant-win-so-i-resort-to-cheating."  
  
"I do not cheat." Sirius said indignantly from the bush he'd just landed head first in. "But i agree, why should you be sitting there whilst we provide all the entertainment, especially as we're such dashingly handsome guys."  
  
"You just contradicted yourself." James hissed.  
  
"Me and brooms are unmixy things." Lily said firmly. "i like staying with both feet on the ground thank you."  
  
"COme ON!" Sirius said exasperatedly, plucking bits of twig off his cloak. "Its fun."  
  
"No." Lily and Jade said together.  
  
"They're just saying no cuz they know we'll win." James said with a grin.  
  
"Oh really?" lily said sharply. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"You're GIRLS." James incited.  
  
His remark hit its mark because Lily suddenly stood up and dragged a bemused Jade over to the small shed where they had stored their brooms.  
  
"Water fight?" Sirius asked them, Lily was hovering uncertainly, looking for her wand in one of her pockets.  
  
"Definitely." James grinned, "No teams, just a free-for-all i think."  
  
Jade pulled out her wand and flicked it a few times in the air. Lily had now gained broom-conidence and was swooping overhead.  
  
"On the mark.... GO!" James yelled as they all zoomed after each other, attacking people with water jets from their wands.  
  
Sirius was being tailed very closely by Lily and Jade, but was using diversionary tactics to stay dry. James had disappeared and then suddnely all three of them got drenched from above. But nobody was there.  
  
"He's got that ruddy cloak." Lily screamed in anger and aimed her water jets all over the place.  
  
Sirius was too busy laughing to realise Jade was hovering to his left leaning over precariously and sticking the tip of her wand down the back of his cloak until it was too late and he was drenched. He jerked away quickly, Jade fell sideways and was hanging upside down from her broom, which was taken advantage of by everyone who flew past giving her a good dose of water.  
  
"You've had it." Jade screeched at them, pulling herself upright.  
  
"Ooooooh, who's got their robes in a twist today?" Sirius laughed from the other side of the garden. He immediately regretted it when jade charmed his own wand to squirt him, and him alone.  
  
"Running from your own wand, Padfoot?" James laughed.  
  
"Something like that." Sirius yelled out as he zoomed past, being pursued by his wand.  
  
"Don't know why you're laughing..." Lily said pointedly to James who's smile was wiped of immediately. "Aquasus grandimus." She pointed her wand at him, and a huge jet of water, worthy of rivaling any fire hydrant shot at his face, knocking him off his broom completely.  
  
James sat up, spluttering, he looked up and watched Sirius wrestle with his wand. Jade just hovered there laughing like anything and Lily was looking at James with a concerned expression.  
  
Sirius's Mother came out of the house and laughed. "You lot!" She caught their attention. "You have two late arrivals by floo."  
  
"Moony!" James bounded into the house to greet his friends.  
***  
  
The next day, Sirius had finally overpowered his wand and they were sitting in his room planning thier next adventure.  
  
"We could charm your mum's carpet." James said thoughtfully. "Fly to Paris."  
  
"It's really nice there." Remus agreed. "Me and Arianwen..."  
  
"We KNOW." James threw a pillow at his friend.  
  
"I was just saying.." Remus shrugged.  
  
"Or we could just give the ministry a good shock by flying the carpet past their windows, supposedly all by its self..." Sirius grinned.   
  
"Lets send Dumbledore a howler." James said thoughtfully.  
  
"Lets do better than that, lets send Snape's father a Howler..." Arianwen smiled maliciously.  
  
All of them shared a look, "Right." James pointed to Remus- "You write it, you're good at poncy writing." He turned to Sirius, "You charm your owl to look different... so it cant be traced back to us..." He turned to Lily, "You charm it to Howl in Snape's voice please... or something similar..." He pointed at himself. "I... shall sit here and laugh my ass off... No actually, i'm going to charm it so that if he doesnt open it, he gets more until he does open it..."  
  
"Perfection." Sirius leaned back on his bed with the grin that all the school feared on his face. "Absolute perfection."  
  
  
TBC... hohohoo... this is fun. 


End file.
